Everything you need to know about dragons

Why do dragons breathe fire?
Because they can.

How are dragons born?
Painfully.

Do dragons dance?
Yes, but only to the music of one song. You know the one. You can find it here on this site

Are dragons good kissers?
Depends on what you like, really. If you like hot and steamy, definitely!

Are dragons good lovers?
See above. If you like hot, spicy and aren’t afraid of getting scratches, dragons are your jam.

What do dragons eat?
Hot wings. No, joke. Knights, obviously. Nowadays, as knights are not as common, they might go for backpackers, mountain bikers or lost LARP players. They tend to avoid children apparently, as they are deemed too tender.

Why are dragons considered dangerous?
See above.

Where can I see dragons in captivity?
Until know no one seems to have been able to keep dragons in captivity. There have been some trained dragons in films and series (How to train your dragon), but this does not seem to reflect reality as far as we know.

How where the dragons for Game of Thrones trained?
CGI. Sorry, they were not real. I was as disappointed as you when I found out. Bizarrely, the dragons in How to train your dragon were real. But they were wearing Mo-cap suits.

How should I react if I encounter a dragon?
Record your testament on your phone. Try to bury your phone so it will survive the fire. Do not keep it on you, it might be swallowed and digested and there will be no trace left of your whereabouts. Also, do not, under any circumstances, try to film the dragon! Dragons care about their privacy, especially nowadays with all the attention they got in media in the recent years. Please respect it. If you upset them, they might charge, and you will have no time to hide your phone before getting eaten.

If you matched a dragon on Tinder and your encounter is a first date, you might survive the encounter. But be careful. Never talk about money with dragons on a first date.

What is it about dragons that makes me so aroused?
Short answer: pheromones.

What is the ideal size and configuration of a dragon’s den?
Depends on the size of the dragon, of course. And, if it’s a city or a country dragon. Dragons who fly obviously need to be able to spread and clean their wings, even in a den. So, you would have to consider that. The best thing would be to measure the dragon first. Good luck with that.

I have met and fallen in love with a dragon. When is a good time to move in together?
Congrats! First, check if you haven’t fallen for the quite common human-hiding-in-a-dragon-costume scam. If the dragon checks out, congrats (for real this time)! I still would wait as long as possible for moving together, at least until you’ve written down your last wishes.

See also: Is loving a dragon considered bestiality?

Have there ever been any real dragons on the British TV show Dragons Den?
No, silly.

Where can I find romantic comedies involving dragons?
Why would you want to watch that? Pervert.

Are dragons real or do they fake it?
Depends. Do you know how to please a dragon?

Do dragons use social media?
Not as far as we know. Dragons do not seem to have opposable thumbs, which makes typing and swiping extrbebnemy difficylt. Seehg? (Am Nothj a drtagaobn, by tgeh wfgay.)

Where can I find/buy real dragons?
Dragons are mystical animals and are therefore protected. They cannot be held as pets. Many people try to buy dragon babies online and then get either fakes or bearded dragons, which, despite the similar names, are not real dragons.

Is loving a dragon considered bestiality?
You can only love a dragon platonically. I wouldn’t dare to engage in any physical contact with a dragon, but if the dragon makes the first move and you are sure it’s not a lure to get you in his cave, go for it! If you survive, you will have a hell of a story to tell. Being “draped” by a dragon is a whole different concept and has nothing to do with physical contact, as explained by Sasha Sychëv here: Interview Sasha, Fashion Music and Democracy (Pdf)

What is a dragon?
A mystical mighty beast. But if you have basic questions like these, maybe start with a little google sesh: https://lmgtfy.app/?q=what+is+a+dragon

How to tell if a dragon is real.
Don’t worry. If you encounter a dragon, it will let you know. See more here: How should I react if I encounter a dragon? And here: What do dragons eat?

Do dragons drink water?
Does the pope shit in the woods? Well, yes, how would they survive otherwise? Dragons are living beings; their needs are not very different from yours. (Don’t eat people, though. That’s generally frowned upon.)

Do dragons prefer to be buried or to be incinerated?
That’s a good question. I don’t know. But who would dare to bury a dragon? We have already established that dragons are loners, so it’s very unlikely that another dragon is around to help you. Dragon might just decay where they die. It is widely believed that many mammoth skeletons are from dragons. So, dragons might not be buried or incinerated but we can’t know for sure.

Are dragons water shy?
No one has ever seen a dragon swim, but they might enjoy a bath from time to time.

How do dragons move?
While putting one wing after the other, like the rest of us.

Do dragons ever go to burning man?
They might BURN a man, alright. Know what I mean? (Wink, wink)

How many dragons are arsonists?
An estimated 100% of dragons like to burn things and beings. Does that make them arsonists? As they literally breathe fire, they cannot really help themselves. It’s more about semantics than anything else in this case. I would say no, they are not arsonists, they just have really really hot breath. But this is open to discussion.

Could dragons be used for fireworks, or do they explode willy-nilly?
Dragons breathe fire, they do not explode unless provoked. If you do not poke them with a stick, the risk of explosion is almost zero.

Do dragons drag on and on and on?
Haha. You are a funny one.

Do dragons pay half price on airplanes (as they can help with the lift)?
In theory, they should. In real life… Have you ever seen a dragon? They are huge. And they can fly. Why would they ever enter an airplane?

How do dragons pay rent?
Dragons live rent-free in my head.

Is dragon furniture fire-proof?
It better be.

Are dragons good with money?
No, they burn through it.

Do dragons make good friends?
Yes, but they are fast to burn bridges, so might you want to always keep them happy.

Do dragons believe in mystical creatures?
This might depend on the individual dragon, there is no general answer to that.

Can dragons fly to Mars?
Why would they want to do that? Dragons need oxygen!!

Do dragons use tinder or match.com to light a "fire"?
Probably Tinder, as it is much more popular these days.

How does a dragon keep the fire alive (in a relationship)?
Not a problem for a fire-breather. They are always on fire and so are their relationships.

Do dragons hold fire breathing competitions?
No, as already stated, dragons are loners. And not known to be competitive.

Do dragons go to the dragstore?
Is this a wordplay with “drugstore”? If so, it’s not very funny.

Do dragon queens exist?
You might mistake drag queens and dragon queens. Dragons do not live in organized communities, so there are no dragon queens or kings.

Does a dragon make a good wingman?
Dragons have great wings, man!

Can I use a dragon to heat a hot tub?
You can try, but there the water will probably evaporate, and the hot tub might not survive it. But it would be a nice way for a dragon to let off some steam. If you do it, do it for the dragon and not yourself.

Do dragons make good pets for kids?
No, but kids make good pets for dragons, although a little bit short lived. As stated already, dragons do not eat kids, but as they like to play rough, make sure to have a steady supply of kids ready before introducing kids as a toy to a dragon. Once a dragon has taken to playing with kids, he might get depressed once there are no more new kids coming to its cave.

How do you differentiate a good and a bad dragon?
Estimate the heat and the way the dragon breathes fire at you. If the dragon burns your skin more than once, ill intentions could be implicated. In general, any dragon that has seen you and has let you live should be considered a neutral, neutral-good, good, or maybe, a blind dragon that has lost its sense of smell.

Do dragons cry crocodile tears?
Stupid question. No.

Do dragons consider volcanos as rivals or are they friends? Is the eruption of a volcano considered 'friendly fire'?
Not many people know this, but volcanos are hollow mountains with dragons hiding inside. Lava is nothing else than dragon snot. Disgusting, right?

Do dragons smoke after making love?
Depends. Not all dragon’s smoke. There have been some successful anti-smoking campaigns around caves worldwide, causing many dragons to quit after years of addiction. French dragons continue to smoke in bed, though. It seems impossible to make them quit.

Do dragons need fire insurance? Is fire insurance more expensive for dragons than for non-dragons?
A few courageous insurance agents have tried to sell fire insurance to dragons. So far, not one of them has come back. We will update this page if a successful insurance comes forward.

Is my mother-in-law secretly a dragon?
No. Rude.

They always say you should fight fire with fire. Following this logic, would dragons make good firefighters?
Yes, but the missing opposable thumbs thing might be a problem. Also, they do not fit into the trucks.

Dragons being hot, how do they know if they have a fever?
Very good question. No idea.

Where do dragons live?
I had a dragon friend who lived on the first floor of an apartment building in Leeds, but he was an exception. Normally dragons prefer to live in caves and far from the city.

Are dragons shy?
Dragons are loners and are generally considered shy. They can warm up around other firebreathers, though. If you want to learn to get to know a dragon, learn how to breathe fire first, this generally helps to break the ice, as they are more likely to consider you one of their own. See also: How should I react if I encounter a dragon?

How do I become a dragon?
You (assuming that you are a human and not already a dragon surfing the net) cannot become a dragon. Even if your mother or a father was a dragon, you cannot be more than half a dragon if both your parents were not born dragons.  (See dragon law 01, §14, section 3)

Do dragons die? How long do dragons live?
Dragons have an estimated lifespan of 10-1000000 years. Older dragons might exist, but no one has bothered to check. See also: Do dragons prefer to be buried or to be incinerated?